Feelings

Okay, so this blog isn't all about church going. It is about my return to faith. Part of this is dealing with how I react to things. I have a really good memory, so I don't easily forget when people hurt my feelings or the feelings of those I love. I am also "mean as a snake" when someone hurts me or those I love. I can also be mean when I am irritated. I am not a super patient person, but God is helping me with that. He is also helping me with the whole "mean as a snake" issue.

I am trying very hard these days to not throw fits over little things, like being late. Being late is a huge personal pet peeve. I am also praying a lot over letting things go. I need to let things go, especially when my feelings get hurt, or someone hurts those I love. Today, both things happened, and I am not over it yet. I have prayed about it, and will pray some more, and then I have to stop cuddling my precious little feelings, but let them go. So. Stinking. Hard.

Basically what happened was a group of people with whom we are close did not invite us over for a cookout. This is kind of sucky since the day my little family left town the hostess claimed she had no plans for Labor Day. Cool, we had plans for Friday and Saturday, but were free for two whole days. So we lingered at my parents house and watched it rain, and caught up on sleep. It was nice. No one called to say, "Hey, we're cooking out on Monday, and swimming after." Instead, on our way back into town I called to invite these people to dinner, and guess what, they were having a cookout, with other people we know and love. The excuses for not inviting us were really, really lame too. Then came the add-on invitation. Is there anything more insulting than the add-on invitation? The 'I didn't invite you originally so now i have to because you caught me' awkward phone conversation? I got my feelings hurt quite a bit by this. Then I got mad. This is sooooooooooooo hard for me to give over to our Lord. I am ashamed of how petty I am.

I guess I was overtaken with this Oliver Twist feeling that nobody loved us as much as they loved each other. boo. hoo. I felt that the hostess was ungrateful for the effort I have made to include her in our family life. Yeah, we are that special in my eyes. I felt that they just slapped my face with a dirty mop with the obligatory add-on invitation. I was so pissed! I still am.

So what am I going to do about it? Am I going to stop inviting these people to take part in our lives. Tempting isn't it? That whole, 'you don't think of me so screw you' mentality. Am I going to stop visiting them and letting my children interact with them. Again, tempting. However, I am trying to be a better Christian. So I can't do that. I have to get over it. This requires some prayer, and some scripture, and just being a grown-up. It may take a little time. But I will get over it, because hurt feelings are not a person to wrap your arms around and hug. Hurt feelings won't hang out just because they can, and they won't help you when you really need them. So I guess one time being left out over thoughtlessness isn't all that big of a deal. How many times have I left Christ out of my life? uhhhh.......lots. He still loves me anyway. I really shouldn't do less.