Challenges

There are a lot of challenges when you come back to your faith after a long time. Some of those challenges involve changing behaviors. Not using profanity isn't extremely hard, it just requires some thought. So that isn't so bad. And the hubs and I are well past our heavy drinking days. However, I am so not a patient person. Not even a little bit. Sometimes this overflows onto my family. Actually, more than sometimes. It often overflows onto them. I know from experience that sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it in the whole, "you hurt my feelings and I will never forget it!" scheme of things. Because some things you just don't forget. So, this is hard for me. Since I don't want my kids to hate me, I am going to start looking up some stuff in my Bible, and am definitely going to pray on it. Of course, a blog needs a little more to it than that, so here's some more:

I think part of my problem has been that I have not had any time away from my family since April. I love them a lot, but a break has been needed. The hubs and I have talked about this. We were both apparently having the "want to gnaw off my leg to get out of this trap" feeling occasionally. You think, aw, it wasn't that bad was it? Yes, it was. Accept this and keep reading. So now we are working on trying to give each other a break and have each other's backs, instead of me climbing onto his back and being ugly. Like crying and picking fights, and being difficult, not necessarily in that order. In the interest of fixing this problem, tonight he got some time to chill in the office before dinner, and then he sent me to the local coffee shop after dinner. I feel amazing!

So what does this have to do with Christianity? Well, if I start searching for the tie in, I could go all, "love is patient" on you. But really, I think about Martha, and how she would get caught up in the mundane aspects of her life. She would get spun up, and then complain to Jesus, and he would basically show her what was important. (my first thought was to put, He was all like 'chill, Martha, come soak up the goodness' but I thought that might be sacrilegious, I'm not sure). So....I will enjoy this break my husband has gifted me. I will try to be more patient, and I will keep on trying to soak up the goodness Jesus has given us, and not be so bogged down in the pissy world I keep in my head.

Church

I grew up as an every Sunday morning and sometimes Wednesday night church goer. When we moved to Shreveport I was shocked that there were church services on Saturday night. Then I thought about it and looked around Shreveport. If you have small children here is the list of things you can do in Shreveport on Saturday night:

-eat Mr. Gatti's pizza

-go to a movie

-Chuck E. Cheese (for those of you who are masochists)

-Shreve City playscape (super crowded with lots of bigger kids)

-CC's pizza

-go see someone

-Chic-Fil-A

...and that's about it. So, okay, church on Saturday. I can try it. Then I had a hiccup with the whole, people dress casually for church on Saturday night. Not a, "they are all going to burn in hell!" kind of hiccup. More of a run-on sentence kind of hiccup: "But I always wear a dress to church and I will feel so awkward if I have to wear jeans, but if I wear a dress will I stand out terribly, and oh Lord, what do I do?" I solved that fashion dilemma with more casual dresses and skirts. I know it seems shallow, but hey, I'm seeking the kingdom, I'm not there yet.

So, church on Saturday, check, clothing for church on Saturday, check, found a church we loved, check. My next little hiccup was the music. I love hymns. Love them! I find comfort and joy, and peace while singing hymns. I love the smell of the hymnals, the feel of the pages. I love the sound of a church full of people turning to page 372 to sing "The Old Rugged Cross". I love hearing four distinct parts to every song. Our church's song service on Saturday is contemporary. My husband loves contemporary Christian music. I am more tolerant of it than I once was. I still find some praise songs mind numbingly repetitive. Some are okay and tell a story and are good. Some are phenomenal. Which is about the same as hymns really, but I would not give up the point that I wanted my kind of song service. We talked and negotiated when to go to church to hear which song service, and then I had an epiphany. It just doesn't matter. Okay, it does matter, a little, otherwise I wouldn't have fought about it for so long. But the truth of the matter is that we can make it to church more consistently on Saturday night. So, I have decided that I can tolerate the praise music, and have found enjoyment in it. I can sing along by ear and praise God all the same. I still miss my hymns and my heart hurts a little bit, but this is something I can concede so that we are at church.

My next issue with our new church was the isolation. Yes, isolation. Because I had almost always gone to small churches where everyone knew everyone else, and their people, all the way back to Noah. Or a large church in a small town, where everyone still knew everyone, and their people, all the way back to Noah. Our church in Shreveport is sooooooo big! I kind of felt like an outsider.

We would show up 10-15 minutes before services to drop the kids off in the kids section. Then we would get a cup of coffee. Sip it a little, stare around at all the other people going places or talking to each other. Then we would go in to the sanctuary for the service. The lights would dim, and church would start. First the song service, then the message, then the invitation, then the final prayer, and everyone is running for the doors. Occasionally we would meet someone my husband knew and chat with them, but mostly not. So we would pick up our kids and leave. Sometimes we would not talk to anyone but the greeters. How sad is that? At church, and no one was talking to us. I felt soooo lonely. And let me tell you, I stay at home with two kids. I know loneliness.

However, last Saturday God answered my prayers. It was life group launch night. Hallelujah! We will find some church friends with kids. And we did! As we were walking out of the sanctuary and talking about getting our life group on, the couple who had sat beside us during the service invited us to theirs. And it meets on a night we have open! And it has child care!!!! Thank you Lord Jesus!

So we went to the life group, and it was awesome! Here were Christians with a sense of humor, personality, and a genuine love for each other! These were mature adults who worked at being more Christlike, and had flaws just like us! I love them! It wasn't awkward being the new couple. Everyone was looking for things in common and miraculously, commonalities were there. I loved it. Here is another great God driven coincidence: our study in Ephesians, chapter 4, concerns community. Community. I was seeking community in our church and we have found it, and I am so grateful. The Lord has blessed us again with the perfect answer to our prayers. I am looking forward to getting to know our new life group, and in learning and growing with them. I believe we have finally found our church home. Let the growing and the working for our Lord begin!