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That is beside the point. The point is that I grew up as an active member of very small churches, and even spent one summer off from college assisting with a children's program that outnumbered the adults in the church. To me, working in your church, giving your service, is just what you do. It screams community to me. I am starving for community!
Part of this starvation that I am living away from my family for the first time ever. I know, I am married with two kids and have been for a few minutes. You would almost think I would be over. You would be pretty wrong there. Back home we are steeped in community. Sometimes we have a little too much. But still...I miss my parents and my brother, and grandparents, and aunts and uncles, and cousins. I might not have seen them all the time, but they were there. Now they are way away (G's phrase to describe a 3 hour drive).
So I miss my non church community from my hometown, and I honestly think a big part of my starvation for community up here is spiritual. I consciously took myself out of the church community while I was on walkabout those few years. Then I left the walkabout lifestyle for the most part, but didn't really give it up until I married A. Now the "old lifestyle" which was really a "middle lifestyle" or "backsliding", is gone, and I am returning to my faith. To quote the yoga folks, I have returned to center. A big part of that center for me, is the spiritual community of the church. I miss being around church folks. A lot.
A and I have started attending on Saturday nights, as I addressed in a previous blog. We also attend a life group during the week (basically Sunday School, but maybe a little less stuffy, and so wonderful). The kids' stuff is about to crank up again, so I am sure G and M will get to catch some more of that, but it just wasn't enough for me. I felt like I was just going to church and not doing anything for the church. Those small churches where I grew up pretty much demanded everyone do something or nothing would have gotten done. I want to work. So...guess what I did! I picked up the little card from my seat in the sanctuary (I do miss pews, don't know why,) and I volunteered to help with the middle school ministry. I think I am going to be working with 6th grade girls.
Folks I have just gone and jumped off the deep end into hormonal drama. There aren't many creatures touchier than little girls between 6th and 8th grades. And I have volunteered to work with them, because the middles school minister had voiced some concerns, and they just need some willing folks anyway. I am afraid I am grossly overestimating my abilities to handle kids. But, here's what else I am thinking, in between bouts of "what have I done?" I am not solely responsible for these children. God is going to help me out. He will guide me. I am not alone spiritually with a bunch of little hormone buckets with mouths and attitudes. Also, I am not alone at the church either. This is a big church. They have people you can talk to; they have people who can help. If I get overwhelmed, I can always ask for assistance, and it will be there. This is almost the opposite of teaching high school.
So all in all, I have some fear and exhilaration mixing in my stomach. There is a big old ball of self doubt sitting at the base of my neck as well. But I think God is going to help me, and who can argue with that kind of an assist. So everything will work out. I think it is time for some research on the inter webz, and some research in my Bible. I am also going to sign up to help with a 5K race, because they need volunteers, and I am in the mode. God will guide me to where I am needed. He is amazing like that. Pray for me handling those little barrels of drama.
