Service

So tonight's sermon was all about service. Ephesians, chapter 4 again. Here's the thing about me. I am a lazy person. I always worked really hard when I worked outside of the home, but it hasn't quite translated into working hard in the home. Maybe I am just not good at time management, or house work, or priorities. So, our house is in shambles, but I finished reading a book today.

That is beside the point. The point is that I grew up as an active member of very small churches, and even spent one summer off from college assisting with a children's program that outnumbered the adults in the church. To me, working in your church, giving your service, is just what you do. It screams community to me. I am starving for community!

Part of this starvation that I am living away from my family for the first time ever. I know, I am married with two kids and have been for a few minutes. You would almost think I would be over. You would be pretty wrong there. Back home we are steeped in community. Sometimes we have a little too much. But still...I miss my parents and my brother, and grandparents, and aunts and uncles, and cousins. I might not have seen them all the time, but they were there. Now they are way away (G's phrase to describe a 3 hour drive).

So I miss my non church community from my hometown, and I honestly think a big part of my starvation for community up here is spiritual. I consciously took myself out of the church community while I was on walkabout those few years. Then I left the walkabout lifestyle for the most part, but didn't really give it up until I married A. Now the "old lifestyle" which was really a "middle lifestyle" or "backsliding", is gone, and I am returning to my faith. To quote the yoga folks, I have returned to center. A big part of that center for me, is the spiritual community of the church. I miss being around church folks. A lot.

A and I have started attending on Saturday nights, as I addressed in a previous blog. We also attend a life group during the week (basically Sunday School, but maybe a little less stuffy, and so wonderful). The kids' stuff is about to crank up again, so I am sure G and M will get to catch some more of that, but it just wasn't enough for me. I felt like I was just going to church and not doing anything for the church. Those small churches where I grew up pretty much demanded everyone do something or nothing would have gotten done. I want to work. So...guess what I did! I picked up the little card from my seat in the sanctuary (I do miss pews, don't know why,) and I volunteered to help with the middle school ministry. I think I am going to be working with 6th grade girls.

Folks I have just gone and jumped off the deep end into hormonal drama. There aren't many creatures touchier than little girls between 6th and 8th grades. And I have volunteered to work with them, because the middles school minister had voiced some concerns, and they just need some willing folks anyway. I am afraid I am grossly overestimating my abilities to handle kids. But, here's what else I am thinking, in between bouts of "what have I done?" I am not solely responsible for these children. God is going to help me out. He will guide me. I am not alone spiritually with a bunch of little hormone buckets with mouths and attitudes. Also, I am not alone at the church either. This is a big church. They have people you can talk to; they have people who can help. If I get overwhelmed, I can always ask for assistance, and it will be there. This is almost the opposite of teaching high school.

So all in all, I have some fear and exhilaration mixing in my stomach. There is a big old ball of self doubt sitting at the base of my neck as well. But I think God is going to help me, and who can argue with that kind of an assist. So everything will work out. I think it is time for some research on the inter webz, and some research in my Bible. I am also going to sign up to help with a 5K race, because they need volunteers, and I am in the mode. God will guide me to where I am needed. He is amazing like that. Pray for me handling those little barrels of drama.

Church

I grew up as an every Sunday morning and sometimes Wednesday night church goer. When we moved to Shreveport I was shocked that there were church services on Saturday night. Then I thought about it and looked around Shreveport. If you have small children here is the list of things you can do in Shreveport on Saturday night:

-eat Mr. Gatti's pizza

-go to a movie

-Chuck E. Cheese (for those of you who are masochists)

-Shreve City playscape (super crowded with lots of bigger kids)

-CC's pizza

-go see someone

-Chic-Fil-A

...and that's about it. So, okay, church on Saturday. I can try it. Then I had a hiccup with the whole, people dress casually for church on Saturday night. Not a, "they are all going to burn in hell!" kind of hiccup. More of a run-on sentence kind of hiccup: "But I always wear a dress to church and I will feel so awkward if I have to wear jeans, but if I wear a dress will I stand out terribly, and oh Lord, what do I do?" I solved that fashion dilemma with more casual dresses and skirts. I know it seems shallow, but hey, I'm seeking the kingdom, I'm not there yet.

So, church on Saturday, check, clothing for church on Saturday, check, found a church we loved, check. My next little hiccup was the music. I love hymns. Love them! I find comfort and joy, and peace while singing hymns. I love the smell of the hymnals, the feel of the pages. I love the sound of a church full of people turning to page 372 to sing "The Old Rugged Cross". I love hearing four distinct parts to every song. Our church's song service on Saturday is contemporary. My husband loves contemporary Christian music. I am more tolerant of it than I once was. I still find some praise songs mind numbingly repetitive. Some are okay and tell a story and are good. Some are phenomenal. Which is about the same as hymns really, but I would not give up the point that I wanted my kind of song service. We talked and negotiated when to go to church to hear which song service, and then I had an epiphany. It just doesn't matter. Okay, it does matter, a little, otherwise I wouldn't have fought about it for so long. But the truth of the matter is that we can make it to church more consistently on Saturday night. So, I have decided that I can tolerate the praise music, and have found enjoyment in it. I can sing along by ear and praise God all the same. I still miss my hymns and my heart hurts a little bit, but this is something I can concede so that we are at church.

My next issue with our new church was the isolation. Yes, isolation. Because I had almost always gone to small churches where everyone knew everyone else, and their people, all the way back to Noah. Or a large church in a small town, where everyone still knew everyone, and their people, all the way back to Noah. Our church in Shreveport is sooooooo big! I kind of felt like an outsider.

We would show up 10-15 minutes before services to drop the kids off in the kids section. Then we would get a cup of coffee. Sip it a little, stare around at all the other people going places or talking to each other. Then we would go in to the sanctuary for the service. The lights would dim, and church would start. First the song service, then the message, then the invitation, then the final prayer, and everyone is running for the doors. Occasionally we would meet someone my husband knew and chat with them, but mostly not. So we would pick up our kids and leave. Sometimes we would not talk to anyone but the greeters. How sad is that? At church, and no one was talking to us. I felt soooo lonely. And let me tell you, I stay at home with two kids. I know loneliness.

However, last Saturday God answered my prayers. It was life group launch night. Hallelujah! We will find some church friends with kids. And we did! As we were walking out of the sanctuary and talking about getting our life group on, the couple who had sat beside us during the service invited us to theirs. And it meets on a night we have open! And it has child care!!!! Thank you Lord Jesus!

So we went to the life group, and it was awesome! Here were Christians with a sense of humor, personality, and a genuine love for each other! These were mature adults who worked at being more Christlike, and had flaws just like us! I love them! It wasn't awkward being the new couple. Everyone was looking for things in common and miraculously, commonalities were there. I loved it. Here is another great God driven coincidence: our study in Ephesians, chapter 4, concerns community. Community. I was seeking community in our church and we have found it, and I am so grateful. The Lord has blessed us again with the perfect answer to our prayers. I am looking forward to getting to know our new life group, and in learning and growing with them. I believe we have finally found our church home. Let the growing and the working for our Lord begin!